Cracked Mask
by VoiceintheShadows
Summary: Raven has locked herself away. She hopes that a dagger will give her the answers she's looking for. A bbrae suicide fic. *Both chapters contain the same content but have different endings*
1. Negative Ending

Disclaimer: All I own are my own thoughts.

"Speech"; _'Thought'_ ; Narration. We'll get along.

This story contains two chapters. They hold the same story but have different endings. **Warning: **This chapter is the pessimistic version.A suicide fic.

**Cracked Mask**

Raven paced around the dark bedroom trying to collect her thoughts. All her life she had faced hardship and tragedy, from the realization of what she really was to the daily battles to control her powers and emotions. But, lately, she'd been slipping. Her emotions had been running wild, she'd hardly been outside and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep her sanity from snapping.

She suddenly stopped as her wide eyes darted to the dresser. She licked her dry lips and tried to regain her composure. She failed. By now something in the room would have broken, if not for the fact that her emotions had already destroyed everything…except _it_. _It_ probably stayed intact, because it terrified her so much and she _needed_ it in one piece.

"I never should have bought that thing." Raven croaked. Her voice, which normally had a gruff smoothness to it, was now rough and edgy from consuming neither food nor water for the past few days.

Trembling hands reached up to touch _it_ but she immediately pulled back. She wasn't ready to hold the cursed object, not yet anyway_. _Besides, if she lost her nerve and let it clatter to the floor, then the rest of the team would be up in an instant. She looked down. _'I know I should talk to them. Any rational human being would have sought help for this.' _Raven glanced sideways at what remained of the mirror. Red, puffy eyes returned her stare, which lead to seemingly permanent streaks from old tears that ran down her somehow even paler cheeks. _'Then again, there's no way they'd leave me unattended, let alone back in here peacefully.'_

Raven tried to focus on her shattered reflection but couldn't help but lift her gaze back to the object that gave the promise of both misery and peace. It was a dagger, or more precisely, a Dirk. A long double-edged Celtic blade whose handle was bound by leather and led to an almost crystal-like orb at the end of the hilt. Handmade by one of the only weapons experts on this continent, it was truly a beautiful blade. Too bad Raven also knew how much potential it had for a dagger's original purpose.

She slowly turned and retreated to what remained of the bed. There were enough covers left to engulf herself in, except that it only made her feel worse. Raven had done this many times before, only to start a crying fit that proved to do nothing but rip apart everything in her power's grasp. This time, however, the tears did not come. _'Have I finally hit my limit?'_ Raven thought as her eyes burned from the constant strain of tears. The world turned black.

… … … … …

"Are you ok, Raven? You look paler then usual."- _"I'm Fine."_

"What if I have to look like this forever?"-_"What's wrong with the way I look?"_

"_It's just a car."_- "IT'S NOT JUST A CAR!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I got what I wanted and I don't need you anymore."

"You are a _portal_ nothing _more!_"

"C'mon, Raven. Why do you have to be so _creepy_?"

… … … … …

Raven awoke from the nightmares that were her past. She looked at the dark curtains to notice how far down the sun had set. She wouldn't call it "sleep" because sleep recharges someone. It was more like "blacking out from exhaustion in hopes of recharging." Maybe it was finally time.

She sat on the edge of the torn mattress and turned to the splintered nightstand. She picked up the paper sitting on it and read through it as she had done a hundred times before.

_Dear Everyone,_

_I want to say strait out that I'm not crazy. I've thought long and hard about what I'm about to do and thinking rationally means that I'm not crazy. _

_Despite my powers being useful, the rest of me isn't. No matter how hard I try, I just can't connect with the rest of you. My personal feelings have cost us in battle and every good deed I seem perform does not go unpunished. I know that I may seem in control, happy even, but it's all been a front. I've had a hard life and I don't think that it will get any better. You know, it's almost funny. Despite having close friends, including a world-class detective, you'd think at least one person would recognize the symptoms of depression. But, then again, maybe my mask is just too hard to cut through. _

_This is getting too emotional. Logically speaking, this is probably what's best for the team. There will be less fighting among the rest of you without me and the Tower will probably be a safer place, considering how I've lost control before. By the time you read this, I'll be gone and the world will be a better place. Please do not mourn for me, for I do this for both your happiness and mine own. Please forgive me and goodbye. _

Raven stared down at the note and finally returned it to the nightstand. She slowly glared up at the dagger. "This time for sure." Came the hoarse whisper that used to be her voice. She stumbled over to the dresser, willing her legs to stop feeling numb and serve their purpose one last time. She rolled up the sleeves of her leotard and gripped the top of the dresser for support. She stood there for two minutes but it felt like hours for her. With strength she didn't know she still had, Raven snatched up the dagger and held it firmly. Her hands trembled terribly, whether it was from fear or anger, we'll never know. She drove the knife down, aiming for the center of her wrist, but, at the last minute, the blade curved nicking the side of her forearm.

'_DAMMIT'_ her mind screamed as she fell to her hands and knees. She stared at the dagger angrily for defying her, then to the latest cut among the others that proved she once again failed to die, and back to the dagger in her right hand. A bit of the fading sunlight shone over the name etched into the base of the blade. New tears welled into her eyes. She was wrong. She wasn't ready. She was still able to cry.

… … … … …

Starfire flew into the living room to find the other titans sitting silently on the couch. She hesitated for a moment but then spoke up. "Friends, may we please check on friend Raven? It's been three days since she last left-"

"Later, Starfire." Robin stated glumly.

"But she is our friend and, and we must not lose-"

Robin stood and embraced her. "Tomorrow. We'll let her have one more night and get her in the morning."

"Yeah," Cyborg mumbled, "Last time we tried to drag her out, she almost dismembered us. It'd be better if she was tired out."

Starfire began crying while Robin tried to sooth her. "Tomorrow. I promise we'll take her out of his room tomorrow."

"Why do ya'll think Raven had 'Beast Man' carved on that knife she gave him?"

"Who knows? Raven refuses to speak… and we can't ask Beast Boy anymore."


	2. Positive Ending

Disclaimer: All I own are my own thoughts.

"Speech"; _'Thought'_ ; Narration. We'll get along.

**Warning:** This chapter has the same story as Chapter 1, but with a positive ending.

**Cracked Mask**

Raven paced around the dark bedroom trying to collect her thoughts. All her life she had faced hardship and tragedy, from the realization of what she really was to the daily battles to control her powers and emotions. But, lately, she'd been slipping. Her emotions had been running wild, she'd hardly been outside and she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep her sanity from snapping.

She suddenly stopped as her wide eyes darted to the dresser. She licked her dry lips and tried to regain her composure. She failed. By now something in the room would have broken, if not for the fact that her emotions had already destroyed everything…except _it_. _It_ probably stayed intact, because it terrified her so much and she _needed_ it in one piece.

"I never should have bought that thing." Raven croaked. Her voice, which normally had a gruff smoothness to it, was now rough and edgy from consuming neither food nor water for the past few days.

Trembling hands reached up to touch _it_ but she immediately pulled back. She wasn't ready to hold the cursed object, not yet anyway_. _Besides, if she lost her nerve and let it clatter to the floor, then the rest of the team would be up in an instant. She looked down. _'I know I should talk to them. Any rational human being would have sought help for this.' _Raven glanced sideways at what remained of the mirror. Red, puffy eyes returned her stare, which lead to seemingly permanent streaks from old tears that ran down her somehow even paler cheeks. _'Then again, there's no way they'd leave me unattended, let alone back in here peacefully.'_

Raven tried to focus on her shattered reflection but couldn't help but lift her gaze back to the object that gave the promise of both misery and peace. It was a dagger, or more precisely, a Dirk. A long double-edged Celtic blade whose handle was bound by leather and led to an almost crystal-like orb at the end of the hilt. Handmade by one of the only weapons experts on this continent, it was truly a beautiful blade. Too bad Raven also knew how much potential it had for a dagger's original purpose.

She slowly turned and retreated to what remained of the bed. There were enough covers left to engulf herself in, except that it only made her feel worse. Raven had done this many times before, only to start a crying fit that proved to do nothing but rip apart everything in her power's grasp. This time, however, the tears did not come. _'Have I finally hit my limit?'_ Raven thought as her eyes burned from the constant strain of tears. The world turned black.

… … … … …

"Are you ok, Raven? You look paler then usual."- _"I'm Fine."_

"What if I have to look like this forever?"-_"What's wrong with the way I look?"_

"_It's just a car."_- "IT'S NOT JUST A CAR!"

"What is _wrong_ with you?"

"I got what I wanted and I don't need you anymore."

"You are a _portal_ nothing _more!_"

"C'mon, Raven. Why do you have to be so _creepy_?"

… … … … …

Raven awoke from the nightmares that were her past. She looked at the dark curtains to notice how far down the sun had set. She wouldn't call it "sleep" because sleep recharges someone. It was more like "blacking out from exhaustion in hopes of recharging." Maybe it was finally time.

She sat on the edge of the torn mattress and turned to the splintered nightstand. She picked up the paper sitting on it and read through it as she had done a hundred times before.

_Dear Everyone,_

_I want to say strait out that I'm not crazy. I've thought long and hard about what I'm about to do and thinking rationally means that I'm not crazy. _

_Despite my powers being useful, the rest of me isn't. No matter how hard I try, I just can't connect with the rest of you. My personal feelings have cost us in battle and every good deed I seem perform does not go unpunished. I know that I may seem in control, happy even, but it's all been a front. I've had a hard life and I don't think that it will get any better. You know, it's almost funny. Despite having close friends, including a world-class detective, you'd think at least one person would recognize the symptoms of depression. But, then again, maybe my mask is just too hard to cut through. _

_This is getting too emotional. Logically speaking, this is probably what's best for the team. There will be less fighting among the rest of you without me and the Tower will probably be a safer place, considering how I've lost control before. By the time you read this, I'll be gone and the world will be a better place. Please do not mourn for me, for I do this for both your happiness and mine own. Please forgive me and goodbye. _

Raven stared down at the note and finally returned it to the nightstand. She slowly glared up at the dagger. "This time for sure." Came the hoarse whisper that used to be her voice. She stumbled over to the dresser, willing her legs to stop feeling numb and serve their purpose one last time. She rolled up the sleeves of her leotard and gripped the top of the dresser for support. She stood there for two minutes but it felt like hours for her. With strength she didn't know she still had, Raven snatched up the dagger and held it firmly. Her hands trembled terribly, whether it was from fear or anger, we'll never know. She drove the knife down, aiming for the center of her wrist, but, at the last minute, the blade curved nicking the side of her forearm.

'_DAMMIT'_ her mind screamed as she fell to her hands and knees. She stared at the dagger angrily for defying her, then to the latest cut among the others that proved she once again failed to die, and back to the dagger in her right hand. A bit of the fading sunlight shone over the name etched into the base of the blade. New tears welled into her eyes. She was wrong. She wasn't ready. She was still able to cry.

The door slid open and Beast Boy leaned into the frame of the door. He looked up and gasped. "Dude. What happened to my room?" He stared down sadly at his bandaged arms. "Is this another bad dream?"

Raven's eyes snapped to the doorway. "I don't know." She slowly got up, not wanting to fall for another hallucination. "Are _you_ real?"

He feebly felt around his chest. "I think so?"

Raven jumped him and threw her arms around his shoulders. He groaned as they both fell to the floor but Raven didn't let go. "GARFIELD LOGAN, DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT TO ME AGAIN!"

"R-Raven, I'm still feeling really weak so could you?"

"NO! I don't care! You deserve to be in pain because you sliced up yourself!" She screamed through her tears.

"I figured."

She slapped him. "But that doesn't mean I _don't_ care, you green _idiot_!" After a while she finally stopped crying and helped him to his feet. They supported each other while Raven guided him down the hall.

"Um, where are we going?"

"My room."

"Why?"

"Because I accidentally trashed your room."

"Ah."

"And I'm the only one in the tower with a big enough bed for two."

"I knew you digged me." He laughed lightly.

She glared at him. "I'm going to be keeping an eye on you from now on." She gave him a light kiss on the lips. "Get used to it."


End file.
